Lame-ass Canadian Taco Bell

I’ve been craving Taco Bell for a while. In fact, if I were in the States I’d probably be going there every day. It would be a staple of my pregnancy diet. But no, I’m up here in Canada. If you ever come here do NOT order Mexican food. It’s like they have seen pictures of Mexican food, but have no idea what the ingredients really are supposed to be. I had “nachos” once with spaghetti sauce on them, and “fajitas” that they served with RAW vegetables and cold tortillas. Something really gets lost in the translation between our Southern border and our Northern one. I think part of it is Canadians have geriatric taste buds. Flavor? Who needs flavor? (Spell check keeps trying to put a U in flavor as in flavour. I’ve been fighting with paper-clip man.) And actual spicy spice? Oh, no – we don’t go for that up here!

So, back to Taco Bell. I knew there was one here in town and yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore so I drove all the way over there. I pull up and I was a little leery when only about 6 things were on the menu board. Uh- oh. I go ahead and order “two meximelts and a nachos bellgrande.” The box says, “We don’t have those.” I reply, “So, you’re not really a Taco Bell then?” The box just asks what I want. I order some tacos (not even taco supremes) and a bean burrito especial. I pronounced “especial” correctly and they didn’t know what I said. I get to the window, pay, and say, “I’d like a bunch of Fire sauce, please.” Well, guess what? They don’t have FIRE sauce, either! They really aren’t a Taco Bell!! WTF?

I really didn’t think they would – I don’t know any Canadians who would eat Fire sauce, but there are a billion immigrants here from countries that eat spicy food. I mean, all the women working in there were from the Middle East. I just don’t see how Taco Bell Corporate can let them call themselves a Taco Bell. They don’t have NACHOS or taco supremes! They don’t have Fire sauce! It isn’t a Taco Bell, it’s a disgrace!!!!

Anyway, I’m going to DC for a week in October. I’ll be going to the Bell and stocking up on Fire sauce, and I’ll finally get the meximelts and nachos bellgrande that I am craving!! Head to the Border, y’all!