We Are Back!!

Hello Everyone!
Well, we are back from our trip to Egypt. It was awesome. I will write more about it soon, but just wanted to touch base here.
It was funny when we were in Cairo. Jack kept saying, "And that's where James Bond...." "Look, over there is where James Bond...." There we were at the Pyramids, talking about The Spy Who Loved Me.

When we were on the Nile Rive cruise, Jack was sitting on top of the boat sunning with his shirt off. He wears a crucifix and one of the servers asked, "Are you Christian?" and (funniest line ever!) Jack replied, "No, I'm Canadian."

Hope you all have a Happy New Year! And we will be sending out New Year's cards since we didn't get a chance to send out Christmas cards. (But thanks to the 2 of you who sent us a card!!)

: )

Thanksgiving!

Well, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. This was my first one since 2002 and also our first “family” thanksgiving. We jumped in with both feet, too! (Ok, Jack keeps saying we had Canadian thanksgiving last year. But it was at his mom’s and –hello – she made pork roast and boxed stuffing. That is NOT thanksgiving!)

I volunteered to host it at my house and have all the fixings. So, I made turkey, dressing, garlic mashed potatoes, gravy, duck rice, cranberry sauce, and creamed cucumbers. Along with the usual sides of olives, pickles, nuts, etc. Friends brought the green bean casserole, rolls, devilled eggs, and assorted breads.

The fun part was, it was for 11 adults and 8 kids, all of whom except one were under the age of 5. There were 19 people in our house for thanksgiving and towards the end it was a madhouse. (Kids on apple juice.) Last time I had thanksgiving there were only 2 kids in the house, and we got the cops called on us because the bi-atch living below me had just broke up with her boyfriend and was being all maudlin. So, she called the cops on us for being noisy. (When they got there they were like, “ummm, yea, you guys aren’t being noisy.” – But still, who gets the cops called on them on Thanksgiving?) The only way I was even able to get the meal on the table was one of those people was the babysitter I had come in that day to watch Sammi while I got the meal ready. That worked out really well!

It was a really fun day and the meal was delicious. I though everyone was really brave to come out and eat since they had never had my cooking before. I had a 25 lb turkey and enough food for about 40 people, so everyone got to take leftovers home, too. Because it isn’t really thanksgiving without leftovers the next day!

I’m just thankful that even though we have only been here for 4 months that we already have enough friends to invite over. We really like it here. We are having a great time and we seem to have a lot of fun with these people.

Baby Parking

In my wallet I have a receipt for “baby parking.” Oh, what a wonderful receipt to have. For the past couple of months I have been telling Jack that I needed a break, and I just needed someone to watch Sammi for a couple of hours. He kept saying, “well, someday, when she’s older and we find a babysitter….” Finally, I remembered that he is a guy and didn’t know that I meant HIM. So, a couple weeks ago I went into my “I need someone to watch Sammi for a few hours” spiel and then said, “And YOU could be someone!” He was like, “ yea, yea – I could be.” He planned a whole day for them that Sunday. He took her to a rugby game and had her out for 5 hours.

It was great. Of course, I worried the whole time and knew she would come home with a broke arm or something. But I was free – for the first time in nearly 8 months. I could go to the bathroom alone, I could run, or clean, or nap, or anything. I basically spent the whole time laying on the couch reading – but it was awesome. I know I am lucky to be home with her. Some mothers would give anything to have been able to stay home that long with their kids. And I am thankful, but it was time for a few hours.

After that, I found out that the ladies golf club is starting to play each Monday morning and that inspired me to look into the daycares out here so I could put Sammi there for a few hours on Mondays. The place right down the road from me – a 5 minute walk – will watch her every Monday from 9 til 2 or 3 for only $25 euros. Last Monday was the first time.

I played golf and worried the whole time, but it was so awesome. I got back to pick her up and she hadn’t even cried. She loved it, too. She really like being around other kids. So, tomorrow I am going to shoe alley with some friends. For the first time ever I am looking forward to Mondays!

Floating Cars

Well, yesterday (actually, last Wed the 1st – that holiday. It just takes me forever to finish writing and post anything) we learned that if you are at a bar drinking, and it is raining, you may as well stay at the bar until the rain has stopped because there ain’t no gettin' home!

Golf didn’t go so well. Jack only got to play 7 holes before they got rained out – and I didn’t get to play any or hit any balls. We were having lunch at the golf course and it was just pouring down rain and lightening, too. On the way over to meet the guys I noticed that the road-kill chicken place was already open, since it was a holiday. So, we decided we would leave, get road-kill, then all have supper and watch movies at our place.

(On a side note: Lil’ G was having the kids plate of fish and chips (only no chips) and she liked the fish so well that at one point she abandoned using her fingers and just put her face right down on the plate to gobble it up. It was crazy how much she liked it! I guess the fingers were taking too long! It was the first time she had fish, but I just bought her some fish sticks to keep her happy.)

We finished our beers and then dashed out to our cars with our umbrellas and headed home. We couldn’t go the usual way, as the tunnel was flooded. But the first detour would still take us by the chicken place. We didn’t make it there because the water was too deep, so we had to turn around. I can’t even describe to you what this water was like. You could feel the waves underneath the car, and it was coming in through the bottom of the doors. (Our car is still wet inside. ) All the water from the top of the mountain was gushing down the streets because there is NO DRAINAGE to support these rains. It was like a deep, fast moving, mountain stream coming at us. (NOTE: It turns out that if we would have kept going forward, our cars would have been sunk because the road caved in and it is now closed. It is a big, gaping HOLE! This whole area is volcanic, so there are probably caverns and cisterns all over the place, not to mention all the old ruins just barely covered up. Good thing we stopped when we did!)

We tried two more detours trying to make it up the mountain, driving slowly so as not to get our distributor cap wet. Finally, Sam’s car died. He was driving fast and he backed up really fast at one point and just sucked in a bunch of water. Then, a big pickup drove past him and a wave of water went over his hood. It washed off his front plate and it was sitting there on the hood of his car. That wave was all his car could take. So, we stopped and Jack walked back to get him and show him where we were. I have to get the pictures they took with their phones on here to show you. Two guys, walking with umbrellas in water up to their mid-thighs, with GOLF BAGS! (Abandon the car, save the clubs.) All the Italians thought they were crazy – where did they come from anyway? Why do they have golf bags?

They finally made it back up to where I was sitting and we then made it home. That turned a 20-minute drive into a 2-hour adventure – and a very expensive one for Sammy. His car is still in the shop!

Happy Hallow Day!

Today is a holiday in Italy. It makes sense, as Halloween is really all hallows eve. How awesome would that have been as a kid? To never have it be a school day after Halloween? You could stay out all night trick-or-treating!!

Jack had language class last night and didn’t get home until 9, so I tried to go out trick-or-drinking. No one within walking distance was home, though, so my plan was foiled! I did get to see all the little Italian kids in their costumes out trick-or-treating. I didn’t know they really did that or I would have had some candy on hand.

So, I guess all the locals are going to church or something today. We are all going to play golf. Since everything local is closed we have to hang out at the American recreation park. That means I am going to have a cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Mmmmm. You have to get the fries.

Last time I was there with a group of moms we all tried to get a salad instead of fries. (Local nationals work there and it went something like this:)

“Can I get a salad instead of fries?”
“No, it comes with fries.”
“And I can’t just substitute a salad?”
“No, it comes with fries.”
“Well, ok. I’ll take a salad that I will pay for. But please don’t put any fries on my plate. No fries, ok?”
“No, it comes with fries.”

That means we all ate fries – cuz once they are in front of you, who can resist the call of the fry? No one, no American anyway!

Happy Halloween!!

Hope you all had a good one. Today Lil’ G had her bouncing babies class –and all the other kids were in costumes –even the ones with Stay At Home Dads! I knew I should have put on her bar wench dress we got in Germany!! Well, she was wearing all blue, I could have said she was a cloud or something.

We had our HHH run on Saturday for our Halloween run. I carried this pumpkin noisemaker and that was about as halloweeny as I got. It turned out to be something crazy like a 10K run – what is up with that? At least there was a beer stop halfway thru. : ) Today I ordered t-shirts for us. Yay!! Bella Napoli HHH lives!

Back to the run, though. I guess this walking is paying off, even though in my head I don’t count walking as exercise. I figured I would be really sore the next day – but I just have my usual old-age gimpyness, nothing new. On the plus side, when I run it is like I have automatically lost 20 lbs since Sammi isn’t on me! That makes a big difference right there.

Yesterday, I locked myself out of our courtyard. I heard the veggie guy pull up, so I put Sammi in her sling, grabbed some $$, and decided NOT to bring the key since he was right outside. Why lock the door? Then, after buying some produce I turn around to go back inside and – taaadaaaaa!! The courtyard gate is shut. Great. I don’t even have my cell phone with me –and do I know anyone’s numbers by heart? No.

I tried buzzing the neighbors, but I guess they weren’t home. Then, the little old man who lives in the next house walked by. I asked if he knew if my neighbors were home. He was all like, “why?” I explained I didn’t have my key – so this nice little old man went into his courtyard, climbed up his shed thing in the back and hopped over into our courtyard so he could let us in. He’s pretty spry for an old guy – and he saved me from being locked out all day!

Waving

Yesterday, Sammi started waving at everyone and saying, "hi." Now, she won't stop - she even waves at herself and says hi. : )

And Also....

Oh, I forgot to add - one day I woke up to the sound of hammering and people working....at 5 a.m!!!! In Germany. In Italy everyone would have just gone to bed a few hours before.

They also sell nursing bras right in the babyfood section of the stores! For only 8.50 Euros. The only problem was figuring out which size to buy. (85D - yowza.)

First Road Trip With A Baby

In case you are wondering, biting your nails waiting for the news – Conan did come home around 1 a.m. before we left the next morning. I went down and opened the door, shut off all the lights, and just quietly called him for about 15 minutes and he finally ran in the door. What a weirdo.

Then, the next morning we set off on our trip. We left at morning naptime to get a few hours driving in before we had to stop. Our goal was to get to Venice that first day. Those of you who have been on road trips with little children before are probably laughing!! Oh, how naïve we were. We were just north of Rome and I said, “Uh, yea, we aren’t going to make it to Venice today. How about we stop in Bologna?” Venice is a 7-hour drive for normal people. Not people who have to stop for an hour every 2-½ hours. We made it to Bologna in 7 hours, though.

Luckily, Jack and I have the same travel style where we don’t like “schedules” and things like “plans.” We just had our Italy guidebook and picked a hotel out of it, gave ‘em a call, and got a room. We drove into town with no idea where we were going so we just headed for the center, then stopped at a driving school and then a bookstore and asked for directions. We were really close!

We spent the evening walking around the piazza, having a beer and eating tapas, and looking at UFOs.

The next morning we took off for Venice. When we were about 20 km out of town we picked another hotel out of the book and called. The first one we tried was full, but the second had room for €135. We said that was too expensive so they gave it to us for €100.

Venice, once you get there, is not at all like I expected. I always thought it would be smelly and dirty with trash and gunk floating in the water. It is not like that at all. It is clean and didn’t smell gross. After dumping our stuff in our closet, er, I mean room, we headed out to sip wine and eat panninis whle listening to the Beach Boys. It seems like no matter where you go they are always playing an odd selection of American music.

After that we headed out to San Marco square. There were millions of pigeons everywhere – and vendors selling pigeon food for €1. But, ha ha, we have a baby, so that means I have a pack of Gerber fruit puffs in my bag. Free pigeon food! They had a little feast while we took the obligatory “pigeon picture.” Sammi didn’t really know what to think about those guys. We watched the gondolas, but they are REALLY expensive so we did the cheap €5 grand cannal tour on a ferry. Then we walked all around Vencie was fun and worth the stop.

The next day we headed off for Berchtesgaden, Germany. If you ever watched the Band of Brothers you may be familiar with it. We wanted to go see the Eagles Nest. I was afraid it would take us DAYS to get there because we had to go through the mountains to get there. Fortunately, you really do go THRU the mountains so it was only a fairly short drive from Venice. Some of those tunnels were 6 kms long! We crossed over the border into Austria and I saw a guy standing by his truck – and I was struck because he had BLONDE hair. That would become the norm over the next week, and after all this time it was odd to be in a place where people, lots of people, had naturally blonde hair. Creepily, I also saw one lady with black “goth” hair – with blonde roots. That was weird.

We found a nice place to stay in Berchtesgaden, although we were the youngest guests by far. Tour buses for elderly people seemed to favor it. We asked the desk people how to get to the Eagle’s Nest. They said to ask them the next day. We asked all around and NO ONE wanted to tell us. “Oh, why don’t you go see….?” They kept trying to get us to go see the other attractions in the area. Also, there were no signs to it, no ads for it - unlike all the other things in the area. Like it was a secret they didn’t really want you to know about. They don’t even call it the Eagle’s Nest in German. They call it the Kehlsteinhaus because it was supposed to be a teahouse for Hitler. If you go there, it will help if you know that so you can find it on the map. The next morning we asked the old hotel guy how to get there. He still didn’t want to tell us. “Today is not a good day for that. Too cloudy for a good view. Go to the salt mines.” We insisted so he finally told us – and it was easy once you knew – but even once on the route there were still no signs leading the way.

It was very interesting and worth the trip. The clouds cleared up somewhat and the view was gorgeous. It is much smaller than we expected, though. Oddly enough, all the tours are required to be in English. No other languages are authorized. Probably part of the deal they had to make when we agreed not to blow it up or something.

On this trip we realized that Sammi won’t eat baby food. Refuses to have it stuffed down her gullet. Luckily, in Germany there was lots of table food she could eat. We also discovered Gelbwurst. It is a local Bavarian favorite for kids and Sammi loved it. It is basically bologna made from veal and pork, mildly spiced with nutmeg, white pepper and ginger. I can’t find it here in Italy but keep looking at the commissary. She also liked the dumplings with sauce that they had on the kiddie menus.

On Friday we went to Oberammergau, our destination for the next week. Jack had a class at the NATO school. Our room was at a landhaus and was really an apartment with a kitchen and 2 bedrooms. It was really nice, and way cheaper than any of our hotel rooms so far! Oberammergau is a typical Bavarian village, so it looks like a page right out of Hansel and Gretel. The cows wear actual bells so you can hear them coming home. Even the people dress in the lederhosen and bar wench dresses on a daily basis – and not just because of their jobs, it’s what they wear.

I had never been to Germany before and I never thought I would like it or the food. But, the food was delicious, not to mention the beer. I KNEW I would like the beer. The beer was just a wonderful as I imagined it would be. Mmmmm, beeeeeerrrrr. It was actually a soothing vacation for me because it was like a mountain vacation back home. It was more “normal” culturally for me than anywhere else I have been lately. The restaurants had “normal” hours – from 5 pm to 9 pm. Basically, they were closing just when Italian restaurants are opening up! It was nice to be able to go out to eat and be home by 8:30 to put Sammi to bed.

Maybe it was just growing up in a town of German descendents. The cadence of voices sounded like gatherings back home, even if it was a different language. The sheds looked the same, the kitsch it people’s houses looked the same, the food was the same as back home, the people even looked the same. Everyone looked vaguely familiar. In fact, they looked so much like me that Jack’s boss’ wife saw “me” downtown one day, pushing a pram (she’s British, that’s what she said), and walking my little dog. She smiled, waved, and yelled, “Helloooo!!!” and whatnot. Only when “I” waved back and returned her greeting in German did she realize it was not me after all, just some local German woman.

It was a fun trip – we went to see Ludwig’s castle while we were there, too. It wasn’t a medieval castle as it is only 120 years old. I mean, he even had a telephone in there – but it was neat. Also, everywhere we went people took pictures of Sammi in her sling. In Italy all the Asian tourists stopped to take pictures of her. In Germany, the Asians and even a couple Americans stopped to take her picture. I thought it was kind of weird. I mean, I think she is cute but random tourists? Must be the whole sling thing, too. That thing is a lifesaver over here as strollers are either banned or useless because of all the steps. We also brought along the little potty and that worked great, too. The rest stops either had awesome kids bathrooms, with little potties for them and great changing tables, or nothing. For those places we just put the potty on the hood of the car and let her go there. We didn’t even use a whole pack of disposable diapers on the trip. Now that we are home I am down to washing diapers only once a week, not every two or three days anymore. Yayyyy, little potty, how we love thee.

As much fun as the drive to Germany was we knew on the way back we would have to stop every 2 ½ hours for 1 hour like on the trip up. But after 2 weeks we were ready to be home. So, we did that parent thing and left at 7 pm so Sammi would sleep the whole way. Then, we drove for 11 ½ hours all the way home. It was good to be home!!

Out A' Gallivanting....

Well, Jack is on the PC so I have to use the MAC so this post will be UGLY. Apparently blogger doesn't support the safari mac web browser that well. Just so ya know - when these posts are ugly it's cuz I'm on the MAC.

Conan has escaped again today. This is the 3rd time he has run away in his life. This is the 3rd time that I am NOT the one who let him get out the door. (I have "situational awareness", my friends.) It is kind of sad, because Conan doesn't speak Italian and he is not a feral cat with claws. I really don't think he stands much of a chance, especially since we are leaving for 2 weeks in the morning.

Every time we go out calling for him the neighbor cat shows up. "Hey, I'll be your huckleberry! I mean, your Conan!" He even came in our house when we left the door open to try to lure Conan home. Geeshhh. I called our landlady and she will go tell the neighbors in the morning to keep an eye out for him and let her know if they find him. She is/was going to watch him while we were gone, so I called to tell her I thought he was gone so she wouldn't freak out if she couldn't find him when she comes over to water him in 2 days.

Anyway - we are going to Germany tomorrow and will be there for a couple weeks. So, I won't be updating the blog until around the 15th or so. We have a rental car and it is the last time we will be renting from Maggigore! Jack asked for a certain car that runs on gas. "No Problem", they say. (I keep telling him this means no problem for the guy saying it, not for us.) Because of this Jack went and bought GAS coupons for Germany. Well, we have a DIESEL and since it is Italy it is impossible to just trade our gas coupons in for diesel coupons. In Italy we can probably just use the gas ones for diesel, since the gas is more expensive anyway. But it could be a problem in Germany because in Germany there are RULES!!!! And you can't just go breaking the rules willy-nilly.

I am sure it will be an interesting trip. Germany has to be the exact opposite of Southern Italy.

We also paid for our Christmas trip. We are going to do a 10 day tour of Egypt - Cairo, a Nile cruise, and Alexandria. Yaaayyyy - gallivanting!! So I won't have to change the name of my blog to "What my daughter ate today."

YAY!! A POO!!

So tonight Sammi had her first poo in the potty! YAY!!! After seeing how BIG it was before being squished in the diaper and onto her heiny, all I can say is, "Oh, I love the little potty." Yes, I loved flushing that poo instead of scraping it off her and rinsing out the diaper.
Yeayyyyy!!! Sammi - you rock!!

New Haircut

I've been thinking about getting my hair cut lately. I thought about growing it out to a bob again, but that seemed boring. Then I met a lady here with a cool cut and SJ ( a blog I read) got her hair cut, so Idecided to go for it! I got my hair cut on Thursday and love it! It is always scary when you move and have to find a new hairplace, but I did what I usually do and looked for people with cute hair and asked where they had it done. It always works.

Of course, I have to find a place that doesn’t speak English, but I just wrote a note in Italian that said, “I want my hair cut cute and short like my friend Nathalie.” since no one understands my accent…. I figured they would know who she was, because how many Americans get their hair cut there? Well, she is French Canadian but the Italians think all the English speakers are American.

What I like about it is I can get out of bed and it looks ok – great for those busy mornings when the pumping, diaper changing, feeding, dishwashing (yep, no automatic dishwasher here), hanging clothes on the line, and running out to buy veggies and bread before riposa gets in the way of a timely shower.

Guest Blogger BC Woes

OK, here is a great "blonde" moment from my guest blogger, Lingcat. (Doesn't that make me sound cool? That I have a "guest blogger"?)

"I’ve been battling this nice sinus infection…..So, I’ve been taking one Benadryl with one ‘knock off’ Sudafed……The Benadryl’s are hard as hell to get in to…I usually have to use a scissors. I LOVE the pretend Sudafed’s because you can just punch em through the foil.

Well…..the Sudafed’s are little….and round….and yellow…..and, like I said, push right through the foil……

Guess what else is little, and round, and yellow and pushes right through the foil??? My birth control pills……that’s right. I’ve been taking about three BC pills a day when I though I was taking Sudafed. By some weird twist of faith, I’ll probably end up pregnant……..pregnant and STILL have a sinus infection…….*sigh*

Everyone kept asking how I didn't know they were my pills....well, I don't put my pills in the little purple thingy that shows the days of the week and makes them 'pretty'....so they're just pills on a foil card......just like the Sudafed’s. :)

I don't feel too bad......another friend was just telling me about someone she knows that broke a vertebrae and kept complaining that pain pills they gave him weren't working......he was taking stool softeners."

Isn’t that great? Now all we have to do is get her to share her “wasp in the hair” story with us!! Have a great weekend everybody. We are going to Oktoberfest tonight and then we are hosting a HHH run tomorrow!

:)

Arrrrr – Blood and Pirates

Well, as I am sure you all know the 19th was “Talk Like a Pirate Day” so I hope you all got some good pirate talkin’ in. It was also a HOLIDAY here so Jack didn’t have to go to work. What holiday besides Talk Like a Pirate shares September 19th? Here in this town it is the celebration of the Miracle of the Blood of San Gennaro (St. Januarius.)

He is the patron saint of Naples who was martyred. His head was supposedly cut off and rolled down the hill of Naples and his believers scooped up some of his blood from his head and it is still in this glass vial. Each year they bring it out and it miraculously liquefies. Thankfully, it liquefied again because superstition has it that if it does NOT then something bad will happen to Naples – like in 1980 it didn’t and then there was a giant earthquake! Whewwww – we are safe for this year!

Relatively safe, at any rate, as one still has to go out and drive here. The driving is such a contradiction. How can these people take HALF THE DAY OFF each day, just lazing around, then suddenly jump into their cars and drive like bats out of hell? It makes no sense.

On Tuesday it took me an hour to get to playgroup because, silly me, I decided to try a new route – in the rain. Ha ha, that route didn’t go exactly where I thought it would. I also got road water on me when I was splashed by a car going by when I stupidly had my window down to see a sign. And it turns out that Italians and rain and driving mix live olive oil and water.

I found this and it describes driving here really well, so I’ll just use it instead of making something up myself. (check out http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/6271/italy002.html)

Driving in Italy - Tips for Tourist Survival
by Jackson Burgese
Part 2 - The City Streets

The basic rule of driving in Italian cities is -- force your car as far as it will go into any opening in the traffic. It is this rule which produces the famous Sicilian Four-Way Deadlock. Sharp study of this phenomenon suggests that the Deadlock or Degenerate can be broken if any one of the cars backs up.

That brings us to another important point about Italian driving. You can't back up. You can't because there is another car right behind you. If you could back up, and did, you would become the object of ridicule, for backing up breaks the basic driving rule and suggests a want of spirit.
The impossibility of backing up accounts for some of the difficulty you will have in parking. Aside from the fact that there isn't anywhere to park, you will find that when you try to parallel park by stopping just beyond the vacant space and backing into it, you can't because that fellow is still right behind you, blowing his horn impatiently.

You point at the parking place, make gestures indicating that you only want to park. He blows his horn. You can give up and drive on or you can get out and go back and try to get him to let you park. This can be done by shouting Personal Abuse in the window of his car. One of these things will happen:
-1. He may stare straight ahead and go on blowing his horn (if this happens, you're whipped, for no foreigner can out-bluff an Italian driver).
-1. He may shout Personal Abuse back at you.
-1. He may, especially in southern cities like Naples and Palermo, where honor is all-important, get out of his car and kill you.

The parking problem created by the backing up problem creates the Right Lane Horror. At no time should you drive in the right lane. One reason is that Italians usually drive head-first into parking spaces. Thus, every third or fourth parked car has its tail-end sticking out into traffic, making the right lane a narrow winding lane. Unfortunately, the center lane has its hazards, too -- the right lane drivers swerving in and out of the center lane as they steer around the sterns of half-parked and double-parked cars. Double-parked cars run one to a block north of Rome and two to a block south of Rome. Italians double park only in four lane streets. In six lane streets they triple park. Right lane driving is further complicated by the Italian style of entering a side street by driving halfway into the first lane of traffic and then looking.

The way to deal with Lane-Swervers and Cross-Creepers is to blow your horn and accelerate around them. If you make a careful in-lane stop when your lane is invaded, you not only expose your social and sexual inadequacies, but you may never get moving again, since you also mark yourself as a weakling whom anyone can challenge with impunity.

While performing these dangerous gyrations, it is imperative to blow your horn. The more risky the maneuver, the more imperiously you must hoot, for all Italian drivers accept the axiom that anything you do while blowing your horn is sacred. (Horn blowing, incidentally, except in cases of serious danger, is against the law in every Italian city.)

Remember that one-way streets in Italy are not one way. To begin with, a driver who has a block or less to go realizes that, when they put up the signs, they were not thinking of cases like his. He drives it the wrong way, going full throttle to get it over with quickly and to prove that he really is in a terrible hurry. More importantly, however, Italian one-way streets always have a Controsenso lane -- that is, a lane for going the wrong way. It is reserved for taxis and buses and is always full of taxis and buses, producing the two-way one-way street which, in turn, produces law suits, pedestrian fatalities and hysterical foreign drivers.

The feature of Italian cities is the piazza -- a wide space entered by as many as eight streets in which a Bernini fountain is hidden by parked cars. Italian police commissioners have sensibly ordained circular traffic for most of the piazzas. But the traffic circle, with its minuet-like formality of movements is, to an Italian driver, just so much exhilarating open space. You do not go around a traffic circle. You go across it at high speed, taking the shortest path from your point of entry to your intended exit, while sounding your horn.

All Italian city driving requires and soon produces familiarity with the Funnel Effect -- especially in those cities that preserve medieval architecture in the down-town section. All Italian cities are force-fed with automobiles by an excellent turnpike system. This produces both the Funnel Effect and the Reverse Funnel Effect.

At first glance, it may appear that the Funnel Effect is more dangerous and unnerving than the Reverse Funnel Effect. This is not correct. True, the unwary motorist entering the Funnel may get trapped against the side and have to stay there until traffic slacks off around one or two o'clock in the morning. But you can usually abuse your way out of the trap.

It is the Reverse Funnel that produces what my insurance company keeps referring to as "death or dismemberment." It's the effect of bottling a number of prideful and excitable Italian drivers in a narrow street for a half mile or more and then suddenly releasing them. It's like dumping out a sack of white rats. As each car emerges, it tries at once to pass the car ahead of it and, if possible, two or three more. This car ahead is passing the car ahead of it and so on. If Italian cars were even roughly of the same power, this would simply produce a wild acceleration, but the cars range from 500 cubic centimeter midgets up to Formula 1 racing cars. The first hundred yards of the Reverse Funnel, before they shake down, is a maelstrom of screaming engines, spinning tires, screeching springs and blowing horns.

Stay tuned for my exciting guest blogger, LingCat, tomorrow!!

6 Months and More

I can’t believe lil’ G is 6 months old now. Back in March it seemed like September was a million years away – that she would never be that old. Now she is low-crawling all over the place and can even crawl up stairs. Gotta get the stair gates now. I told Jack, “She can crawl up stairs now.” He said, “How many?” “I don’t know. I didn’t let her crawl up as many as she wanted.” “Then how do you know she can?” “Cuz I let her crawl up one just for fun!” (and to see if she really could.)

On Wednesday I got her her own little pink potty. It is cute. She likes it. I just sit her on each time she wakes up and she goes tinkle. Yay!!!! Sometimes she wears the same diaper from 7 pm to 1 pm or so the next day. How awesome is that? That will save me on washing diapers! She also goes each time she wakes up from a nap. Now I just have to figure out those poo's - I can never tell when she is going to poo.

It was a sad day on Thursday because I took the side-car crib off of our bed. She has been sleeping next to us since she was born. It made it easier for the night feedings, but those Arms Reach co-sleepers aren’t good once the kid can crawl and pull herself up. She would crawl onto our bed, and I was afraid she would crawl over the side and splat on the floor. So, now she sleeps in her own crib for about 10 hours straight. When she wakes up I bring her to our bed to feed her for a little bit. It is just weird to have her in her own room. She is growing up too fast!! Plus, sleeping on her own that long means that the OVULATION could start at any time. When she was in the side-care she could sleep and eat at the same time. Might as well have a little snack at night every now and then - but now she can't smell me and just sleeps and sleeps. It took a few days for my boobs to figure that out, too.

It makes it easy to pump, though. Now I get up first thing and pump a couple ounces to make the rice ceral gruel with - and there is still plenty for when Lil' G wakes up.

Vieta

Over Labor Day weekend friends of mine who live in Germany came to visit. Becky and Rich lived here in Naples for 5 years so they were a goldmine of information. We ate at some new restaurants Jack and I hadn’t been to yet and we went to Vieta and Sorrento one day. Vieta is a neat little place filled with pottery shops. We saw a bunch of stuff we want to buy when we go back. In Sorrento there is a great inlaid wood shop. I didn’t know I liked inlaid wood, but this stuff is so beautiful. We are going to get a really cool game table one of these days. The drive along the Amalfi coast is so pretty – but very nerve wracking for the drive, and wooze in inducing for the person (me) in the back seat.

The weekend went too fast, though, so I will have to have Becky come back and show me some more stuff!

HHH

Then I decided to look up the HHH here in Napoli and discovered there isn’t an active group, but last weekend we met with a bunch of old Hashers and some prospective new ones (at a pub, of course.) It is so weird that 3 beers is tooo much for me now. I have to stop at 1 or 2 - 3 is too many after 15 months with little or now drinking.
We are res-erecting the Bella Napoli HHH and the first run is next Saturday. Jack is going to be a Hare. He doesn’t really know what he is getting himself in for. It will be his first run. Hee hee.

Well, I gotta get to bed. More later!

Play Group and Stuff!

Well, it has been a big week for Lil’ G. We have been to 2 playgroups. She loves the playgroup. It is funny. She gathers up all the toys she can get her hands on. She tries to take the balls away from other kids. I guess I should get her some balls to play with. The other day she got ran over by a baby stroller, poked in the eye, and kicked in the head. Yet she still had fun.

She is sitting up now, so that means she is getting some grub. So far I’ve given her applesauce and sweet potatoes. She isn’t too big a fan of applesauce but she seems to like the sweet potatoes. She is also running around the whole house in her walker now. Before she kind of kept to one little area – now she is all over and into everything. I really gotta order the “child-proofing” stuff soon! And poor little Conan is completely terrorized now that she is mobile.

I have also sort of started the potty training. For the past week when she gets up in the morning I put her in the bidet, make the potty sign, and say, “Go potty? Tinkle?” and she goes. Yesterday, when she did it I saw a look of comprehension come over her face – like she understood she was doing it when she went tinkle. So, today instead of it taking a couple minutes to get her to go she has been going right away when I put her in and make the sign. I started putting her in after she wakes up from her naps, too, and it is working.

Tomorrow I have to go to a welcome luncheon with the Canadian ladies, and afterwards Beth and I are going to Auchans. Auchans is like the giant, super Wal*Mart of Italy. They have these little potties for little bitty kids and I am going to get Sammi one. They only cost about $3 and then she will have her own place to go, even though it is pretty handy to just put her in the bidet. I figure her own “special” potty will make it even better. Plus, it is small enough I can take it with us when we go on trips.

There is lots going on now. It seems like we are keeping really busy and I have so much I want to write about, but I am always chasing after Lil’ G to keep her from breaking something or hurting herself. One of these days I’ll try to get caught up on all this stuff!

We Have to Find the Buffy Rat!

I had a nice Labour Day weekend with my friends, but I will write about that later. Now I have a couple other topics that need to be discussed.

One is we still have no English TV. I’m going to try to get some soon but in the meantime we have been watching lots of DVDs. Some nights we just don’t feel like watching a whole movie so what is one to do? Well, for some reason when I was in Iraq someone from the States sent the COMPLETE 2nd SEASON of BUFFY the VAMPIRE SLAYER to me.

When Tiphanie and I lived in DC we would watch the X-Files every week, (That’s a bleepin dead alien!), but I would scorn her for watching Buffy. (How lame.) But all this time I couldn’t just throw these DVDs out – they were brand new, never opened. Well, it turns out that Italian TV is just the incentive for watching Buffy. Especially when you don’t want to watch a whole movie, what with the baby needing to be put to bed and all.

And dang it, I kind of like the Buffy. It is funny – but I still think Angel is hotter now as Booth. The last one we watched was the one where Zander has every female (girl, woman, crazy vampire chick, and even Buffy’s MOM) after him and then Buffy gets turned into a rat. Ha ha – and Giles says, “We have to find the Buffy rat.” Now that is humor, my friends.

I’m waiting until Jack gets back this weekend to watch anymore, though. The second season is only 8 DVDs ya know (that was back in the day when a season was a season.)

The next topic is M&Ms. When I got here they had the limited edition white chocolate M&Ms. So delicious. When I went back for more they were gone…gone forever!! Just like those yummy mint ones from a few years back. But you know what is NOT a good idea? A beige M&M. We bought a couple bags of the M&Ms in the “new, bold colors.” But they aren’t bold colors, they are muddy, dull, poor third-world country colors. Ya know how American colors are bright, clear and crisp - happy looking? Well, colors in other, poorer countries always look dull and muddy to me – and that is EXACTLY what these M&Ms look like. I can’t even eat them, they are too depressing. Maybe they are for all the immigrants, so M&Ms can be in the colors they are used to. Whatevah! I want my M&Ms to be the usual, normal colors!!

Weeeee!

Well, Lil' G has figured out that she can run a few steps then pick up her feet and coast in the walker. Oh, what fun! When Jack and I are on the couch, she goes and "hides" behind the other chair, then peeks around at us. It is cute.

Today we were supposed to go out to Carney Park and hang out at the pool with some other moms, but it is rainy and windy so we didn't go. I still might go out this afternoon, but it looks like it might rain again. Sometimes I just don't know what to "do" with her all day. I mean, you have the feeding, changing, bathing, reading to, playing with, and nap time. But seriously, I can't read to her and play with her for 8 hours. What are you supposed to do with a baby all day?

She still loves the bathwater, and I mean for drinking. She'll grab onto the wash cloth and suck all the water out of it. Apparently, the hubs has a problem with that. He could give her a bath - and I don't let her do it if she pees in the water!

This morning she was drinking her water while I washed dishes (yea, no dishwasher) and I thought, "hey, why don't I give her a wash cloth with water on it to play with?" So, I dumped bottled water on one of her cloths and gave it to her. That was pure entertainment for her for about 30 minutes! Of course, now she is a sopping wet mess.

Some friends of mine from Germany are coming to town for the weekend. They used to live here so they are going to show me all the good places to go. It should be fun, and we are going to do the tourist thing so I'll see some of the sites around here. You can't spin a dead cat without hitting a Roman Ruin here (so I hear, Conan, not being dead isn't one for being spun.)

On a side note, I have lost 4 lbs so far since being here. It must be all the walking we do each day. Walking up these hills with a near 20 lb baby on me, and bags of produce, has to do something! We did go out for a run the other day. The only time to go is during the riposo - when everyone is at home doing whatever they do. (Riposo in English means "slacking off" -haha) There are NO cars out on the roads then so I can take the baby jogger out. We ran around the mountain for about 5 K and it was all right. But then, my neighbors are all appalled that I had the baby out at that time of day. It is too hot, she will get sick, I must run by myself later like 9 pm. Yea, so I can get run over by all the crazy drivers then. And of course they don't think we should be outside then - it is the REPOSO! What, am I crazy?!! Well, you know what they say, "only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noon day sun."

Well, I have to go. While writing this Lil' G has been free-range in the walker and getting into all kinds of stuff. I have had to take a plastic bag away from her (plastic bags are not toys) and now she is pushing her highchair around (it has wheels, too.)

Stuff Sammi Has Tasted

Well, it is getting closer to the time when Sammi will be able to eat actual food. In preparation for this we have been giving her little tastes of stuff. (Just a fingertip dipped in – not actual bites.) So far, she seems to like everything – and when we eat she is looking at our food like, “Hey, I want some of that!” A sure sign she is getting ready to eat.
We started giving her a bottle with water a couple weeks ago. She was always trying to drink the bath water and it is like 10 BILLION DEGREES here. I figured she was hot and thirsty. She just looked thirsty to me. And she LOVES the water. DO NOT try to take the water away when she has it. She is only drinking about 25 ml a day – but she likes it and I think it makes her feel better.
Anyway, here is the weird stuff she has tried already:
A Strawberry
Pomegranate Frappucinno foam
Melon juice (please dip my chewy toy back in the melon juice)
Trader Joe’s Masala Simmer Sauce (mmmmm)
Pizza crust with the yummy sauce (she sucked all the sauce off until it was a gooey mess)
Cookie batter (before the eggs were added, so basically butter, sugar, and vanilla)
Enchilada Sauce
Gelato
Tomato sauce from sardine can
And, thanks to Klute, she also had a taste of beer once.

I don’t really think I am looking forward to this whole eating thing. I mean, once you start you have to feed them forever! Plus, I will have to switch to the nighttime bath. Now, I give her a bath in the morning, but once the eating starts she’ll just be a food covered mess by evening.

It also means I could get pregnant again! Yea, I plan on still breast feeding A LOT, but the internet abounds with stories of women who breast fed and have children 15 months apart. I'm not done losing weight yet!! I can't get pregnant yet!

DROP AND GIVE ME 20!

Drop And Give Me 20! That's right. I make my kid do pushups before each meal.

Settling In

So far, we like it here a lot. Our village is a safe place compared to some of the Parcos that people are living in. At some of those Parcos you don’t want to be outside after 10 pm, and you can’t sleep with your windows open, either. Well, this is a safe place. We’ve been told it is protected and “looked after.” (By who? Those guys in the “pizza business” I think.) But it is true. The other night we were all out eating and it was getting late and the meal wasn’t over yet. It was way past Sammi’s bedtime, so she and I just walked home. Yep, I walked home alone with lil’ G at 1130 at night. Not only did I feel perfectly safe, it was perfectly safe.

I am just waiting for September so I can start taking Italian lessons. Knowing a little of the language would help. I am learning some each day – like I know when people ask me Sammi’s age and name, and the words for fruits and vegetables that I buy. I don’t know about you, but when I am trying not to speak English if I don’t know the word in Italian my mind translates it into another language that I do know. So, my mind is always translating stuff into Spanish and Turkish. Spanish is similar to Italian, but they always act like, “what? Huh?” Even when I speak Italian I put the wrong em-PHA-SIS on the wrong sy-LAB-les. Today when buying parsley I was saying “prez-ze-MO-lo” and they are looking at me like “what?” Finally, they figure it out, “Oh, pre-ZZE-m’lo.” Yeah, that’s it.

The other good thing is that they have MorningStar Farms brand at the commissary. Yay!! On our first trip there I bought about 10 boxes of the breakfast strips. It is fake bacon but so delicious. We call it beggin strips. Anyone remember that commercial for Beggin’ Strips for dogs? That dog is running around going “bacon bacon bacon bacon!! BACON!!” then the guy says, “Dogs don’t know it’s not bacon.”? Well, we say, “Guys don’t know it’s not bacon.” Mmmm, fake BLTs. We’ve been eating a lot of those lately. I don’t know why you can’t get that stuff in Ottawa. We can never go back there now – not until they get the beggin strips.

The 5 Month Update

Five months – how can she be five months old already? The lil’ G is almost crawling. For a while now she has been scooting backwards, but now she is up on all fours. All she has to do is figure out to bend her knees instead of being in “downward facing dog” and she will be gone! I figure she will do it by the end of the week – then the fun starts!

She can’t quite sit up yet, she still bends way forward and sucks her big toe. As soon as she does, though, then we can start feeding her some grub. So far, all she gets is breastmilk, cat hair, and carpet fuzz. She also gets to suck on the crust of bread. When we first went out here Enzo said, “In Italy, the babies, they all get this. It is like a pacifier.” while holding the hard crust end of a loaf of Italian bread. I figured, “hey, when in Rome – or a couple hours south….” and she loves it! Now, every time Jack and I try to eat supper we give her a crust of bread to muckle down on and it gives us some quiet. That is, until it finally gets too soggy and starts to fall apart on her. It makes her mad, but we are usually about done eating by then anyway.

She is just so cute now! She laughs all the time. Bodily functions are the funniest thing ever. She will laugh at fart noises, burp noises, and she loves it when we sneeze at her. We can sit there and fake sneeze forever and she just cracks up (Ahh-Chooooo!! Ah-choo – on and on.) She also laughs when you tickle her, and she even gets “tickle vibes” just like me. We can tickle her, then just point our finger at her like we are going to tickle and she laughs.

Our friends Nelson and Sherry-Lee sent us flowers when Sammi was born, and it came with this little stuffed pig. At first I thought it was just a really ugly bear, but after a few weeks when I was more coherent again I realized it was a little pig. This was the first stuffed animal we gave her to play with because it is so tiny it is her size. Well, now she loves “piggy.” She likes it when he oinks and weee weee weee’s at her, then she grabs him and sucks on his ears. When she is tired she uses him as a little pillow. She also does this weird toy thing. I’ll put a pile of her toys on the blanket for her and walk away. When I come back, the toys are all neatly spaced in the four corners around her – or spread out in a row. How weird is that? It kind of freaks me out every time she does it.

Right now she is taking a nap, and I loves me the naptime. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “There never was a child so lovely but a mother wasn’t glad to get him to sleep.” So, anyway, that’s enough about her for now. I’ll let you know when she does figure out that crawling thing – and when she can go forward in the walker instead of backwards and in circles!

The Amalfi Cathedral 

Cruise of the Amalfi Coast

Saturday we went on a day cruise of the Amalfi Coast. We had Sammi outside from sunup to sunset and managed not to turn her into a crispy critter. She and I have the same beauty regime now – each morning we slather on the Coppertone Sport SPF 30, and that is it. Maybe some lip balm. Now you know my “beauty secrets”.

We cruised the Tyrrhenian Sea and saw some great views of the Sorrentina Peninsula. We went by the island of Capri and the boat stopped so everyone could go swimming by the Faraglioni. However, the boat only stopped for about 15 minutes so I didn’t get to swim and that was kind of a bummer. Jack jumped in for a little bit, then we had to change the baby. That was a 2-person job there on the rolling deck of the boat with her in a lounge chair. By the time we got done with that and it was my turn to go in, the boat took off. We stopped at Positano to let some people off, but we kept going to Amalfi.

It was really beautiful but we only got to spend 2 hours there, so we want to go back. The cruise was fun, but we spent a lot more time on the boat than we expected. The trip on the boat lasted from 9 am to 7 pm. So, out of a 10-hour trip 8 of them were at sea. We thought there would be more time on land, to shop and hang out on the beach and what not. It was still pretty fun and a good way to see a lot of the area.

While in Amalfi we went to the Amalfi Cathedral. This is where the bones of Jesus’ first apostle, Saint Andrew, are held. The area is also famous for its lemons and limoncello…mmmm, limoncello.

Here we are with our wood-burning pizza oven - once it is hot a pizza will cook in about a minute in there! 

Shopping

Today we went to a market. It was our first time using public transportation here. It wasn’t too bad because we had the resident expert, Loreli, with us to show us how and where to go. It also rained last night so it wasn’t 10 BILLION degrees out, either.

The train system is from WWII, so you can imagine how nice they are (not.) It really wasn’t bad, and we even had entertainment from a gypsy who gets on and off the cars, playing the accordion for change. Sammi liked dancing to the accordion music.

I bought a pair of shoes, 2 bags (for future shopping trips), a swimsuit, and some grapes all for under $30E – how awesome is that? It was my first purchase of many, many more shoes to come, I am sure. I had to get a swimsuit because on Saturday we are going on a mini-cruise of the Amalfi coast, and it is too hard to try to feed Sammi in a one-piece. (Here, let me just get naked in front of you…..) Luckily, Italian women have big boobies so there were more than 3 to choose from like back home.

Now, here is a picture as promised. This is lil’ G in her new walker – that’s right, a genuine, old-timey, banned in North America walker! We think these things are great, and that it is stupid that they don’t sell them with wheels anymore back home. She loves it! So far she can only go backwards, though. She needs to grow just a smidgen taller first. Our main floor is perfect for this thing – all marble tile, wide open, and no stairs. I think soon she will be following me around everywhere in this thing!

And here is a picture of some of the view I have on my daily walk down to the little markets to buy veggies, fruit, and bread.

It’s Like Living In An Italian Villa!

Wait a minute; we are living in an Italian villa. The flight over here was just as fun as I thought it would be with a cold. I thought my head was going to explode, and my ears were plugged for 3 days after we landed. But, other than that the flight was good. We got the bulk head so we had lots of legroom to put all our baby paraphernalia, but the arm rests didn’t lift up so I had to hold Sammi basically the whole flight. Luckily, it was her normal sleep time so she pretty much slept the entire flight with only a little crying at the beginning. But then after we got here it was hard to get her on a normal schedule. The first few days she stayed up until about 2 am because when I wanted her to go to bed she still thought was 4 in the afternoon or so. I kept taking her outside all day so she could see it was daytime, and now she is pretty much back to normal.

We were expecting a hard time getting Conan back. We had heard horror stories of people being sent all over the airport and having to pay $10 euros to all these guys, like bribes to get your pet back. Well, we just saw some guy carrying our carrier down the aisle by the baggage return area, and Jack said, “Hey, hey, scuzi, that is our cat.” And the guy just gave it to him! We didn’t have to pay anyone, we didn’t have to show any papers or anything. I think we caught the guy off-guard before they could make their little plan.

Our rental car was also big enough (barely) for all our luggage, the baby, and the cat. The drive from Rome down wasn’t that bad, either as it was all highway driving. We stayed in a hotel for a couple days but then went ahead and came out here to our house. We don’t have much with us right now, as we are still waiting for our household goods. Everyone’s HHG are down at the port. They have been there for over a week, but customs doesn’t want to release them yet. (They want more $$ I think.) Anyway, I just got the call and they are going to bring our stuff on Wednesday. Yay!! It will be nice to get settled. We are still trying to get used to the Italian schedule. Everything closes in the afternoon here from about 1 pm to 6 pm, and the restaurants open around 8 pm. Well, at the hotel and after we first got here I had no groceries and by the time Sammi and I would get up, showered and ready after naps and whatever, it would be about 1 and everything would be closed. It only took about 4 days of not eating all day until 9 pm to get some food here. I was pretty crabby on those days because I was hungry!! One day I made Jack take us to the Navy base so we could eat at Subway. It’s the only place that has stuff open during the afternoon! I think our sponsor just thought I was being hard to get along with. I didn’t even try to explain because they don’t have kids and you can’t explain how having a kid messes up the logistics of going anywhere. It just took me a few days to get into the swing of things. You have to get up early here, go out shopping for your bread and vegetables then take a nap in the afternoon during the heat of the day like a sensible person.

I really love the area where we are living. It is beautiful – lots of flowers and a good view of the Mediterranean. (You just have to ignore the random piles of garbage.) Our house is gorgeous, too. And it is wired for 11 kw of power, which is twice what most places have. So, we can run the ACs with abandon. It is practically a fortress, too. It is all steel, wood, and concrete, with bullet-proof glass for windows. No signals get in or out, so it is like living in a TEMPEST house. We can have TS meetings in here. Of course, that means that our cell phones won’t work in the house. Apparently one of the other providers will work in here, so we are waiting to use our credits then we will switch.

Of course, we are having our share of adventures. Driving, for one, is always an adventure. Mainly because the speed will vary from car to car from 30 to 180 – all in the same lane. You really have to pay attention or you will smash into the geezer driving 30 or get run over by the guy doing 180 – plus, there are scooters zipping in and out everywhere, and all the scooter drivers are smoking a cigarette and talking on their cell phones and weaving in and out of traffic. How more of them don’t die is a mystery to me.

Sunday we had a good adventure with the house. We were just getting ready to go out and let me do some test-driving on one of our routes when our power went out. We shut every single thing off in the house but every time we switched the breaker it would throw it off again. Then, when Jack tried to go outside so he could call our landlord the door wouldn’t open. No matter what, we couldn’t open it. So, we opened the window and screen and crawled outside to call him. Luckily for us, Dominique came over right away to help us out. Well, he couldn’t get in either, so he crawled in the window and somehow we got the power to stay on. Something is wrong with the AC units upstairs so we can’t run them yet. OMG, it is so hot up there now. The AC guy is supposed to come tomorrow to fix them and that will be great. We brought the crib and the mattresses downstairs last night so we could sleep. There wouldn’t have been any sleeping going on upstairs – it is like a sauna up there!

So, after we got the power back on it was time to try to fix the door. This is a vault door, and this is NOT an exaggeration. We have a genuine vault door for our front door. The tumblers for the 6 steel bars that lock into the floor, ceiling and sides of the house got out of whack and we were trapped. Thank goodness we were inside when it happened or we would have been SOL. We would have had to break a window to get in…and how does one go about breaking bullet-proof glass? After about 3 hours Jack and Dominique had it so it kind of worked, then they got the key guy to come over (on a Sunday) and he finished fixing it. Now it works great. When we got here it took two hands to lock and unlock it, and that was kind of annoying when you have a kid in your hands. Now it opens easily with one hand like a normal lock, except you have to turn it four times to get all those steel bars to open up. (Our landlord owns a pizza joint in Rome. We never realized that the “pizza business” was so profitable or so dangerous.)

Magari!

Well, we are leaving today. It doesn’t seem real yet. As a bonus I got Legionnaires disease a day ago. It is probably just a cold, but I’m suspicious of the air in this hotel. Last night was the last night on the awful bed here. It ranked up in the top 5 worst beds ever. To make it even worse, there is a Westin right across from our room. Its red WESTIN sign taunts me each day because I know they have the “heavenly beds” over there. But, our room had a washer and dryer and that came in handy with a baby. Of course, the dryer died last night when I was doing the last load of diapers. I think they just stole one out of another room and traded. Our toilet broke one day when we were here, too. Yep, I am ready to leave!

Of course, flying with a cold is never fun. I hope lil’ G sleeps a lot and I hope they move us to the bulkhead seat, even though they seem adamant about not giving it to us. Air Canada – weeeeee!

Right now I am just waiting for Sammi to wake up from her nap. Then I can take apart her port-a-crib and we can go buy some water to take with us. Plus, we have about $100 in coins so I want to go to the bank and trade it in for bills. 2 o’clock will be here soon and it seems like we still have a lot to do! Wish us luck and I’ll be back as soon as we get the net connected at the house!

Buona giornata!!

Saying goodbye!

Oh, I forgot to tell you. When we were at the vet we also had Sammi with us. Some lady came in and was looking at her and I said, “Yea, we had to bring her in for her rabies shot.” (haha) The lady looked at me, looked back at Sammi, a look of horror crossed her face and then she said, “You are joking, aren’t you?” Geesh, no, I’m really taking my baby to the VET to get her shots.

I can’t believe we leave in only 54 hours. We mailed a big box of stuff yesterday because we are already going to be the crazy luggage people in the airport. 2 big bags, a big trunk, a port-a-crib, a cat cage, a car seat and baby, two carry on suitcases, a laptop, and a stuffed diaper bag. We are worried we won’t be able to rent a car big enough for all the junk once we get there.

Now, we are just saying goodbye to everyone. It is weird that we are really leaving. I had lunch the other day with my friend Allisen. We met through the LLL and all my favorite baby things she told me about. Her little girl is about a year and half old so they know the current stuff, unlike our other friends who all had kids between 9 and 20 years ago. She told me about the my brest friend nursing pillow and that thing is awesome. She also told me about the bumbo chair which is also pretty cool. On the one hand it is too bad we are leaving because we are just new friends but I think we could have a lot of fun together.

On Sunday I think we are meeting one last time with some of our other friends. Everyone wants to go out to dinner. We met Dan and Lynn at the Mess last night and had a small altercation. There is a family area and a bar area in there and since we had Sammi we, of course, were going to sit in the family area. However, you have to get the parking pass in the bar area. I was in the washroom and Jack had Sammi. They had just walked in to get a parking pass with Dan and some old geezer guy comes up and says, “No underage kids allowed in the bar area. You have to leave with her.” Like she was going to drink up all his beer or something. Well, it just went on from there. The old guy just wouldn’t let it go. It was kind of insane. If he had let them get the parking pass it would have taken about a minute. I hope I’m not a cranky old rule-monger when I’m a geezer. I want to be a fun geezer, not a mean one.

The Last Week

Friday was the last day we had a car, so we did all of our running around getting ready. We sold the pickup and we gave the station wagon we were borrowing back last week. So, this last week we have had a rental car. It is a PT Cruiser. The good thing about all this is it lets us know what we don’t want. I wouldn’t buy a PT Cruiser anyway because it is a Chrysler – but after driving it we discovered it is made for midgets. My Mom always wanted one, and she is short so she might like it. We also discovered we don’t want a Saturn (that was the station wagon we borrowed.) What a P.O.C-ola! Once we get over there we have a Fiat that we bought from the guy coming back to Canada.

We had to take Conan to the vet to get his health certificate. He is still doing fine so he ought to make the flight ok. We got our Italian Visas back and that was really the last thing we were waiting on. Little Sammi has more passports than anyone I know. She has her US passport, her Canadian passport, and now her official green Canadian passport. She will be a well-travelled little kid when we get back.

Yesterday was Canada Day so we had some people over to celebrate. They were all surprised that we are “kicking it old school” with cloth diapers. And it really freaks people out when we use the spray bottle of olive oil on her. So far that is turning out to be a really great and cheap diaper cream!

Our hotel is in the perfect location. We could hang out here then go walk around and enjoy the festivities. The weather was actually really nice all day until right when they were doing the fireworks, then it started to rain. Sammi was asleep so I didn’t go out to watch them anyway. Too bad they won’t have any on Tuesday for the 4th. At least next year I’ll get to have the 4th of July because of all the Americans over in Naples.

Tomorrow we are supposed to go to a pool party/BBQ so that means I have to go try to find a swimsuit today. We went swimming in the hotel pool last week and I learned that one shouldn’t wear their pre-pregnancy swimsuit after they have the baby. It fits, but you will remember that I now have these gigantor boobs and I’m not comfortable with a D-cup in a B-cup suit! It’s just not the look I am going for now – even though the boys like it.

OK, I found a suit. Wow, your options are really cut down when you enter the D-cup suit section. There were like 3 suits to choose from. At least one of them was good enough to go ahead and buy, and as a bonus all swimwear was 40% off!

When we were walking over to the mall a group of people walked by and one young guy said, “OMG! That is the cutest baby I’ve seen in my entire life!” She was pretty cute, all happy in her sling, wearing her little sunglasses. She’s the good trick baby that tricks you into having another one who turns out to be the demon child with colic.

Gotta Love That Old Testament God

We had the baby baptized on Saturday down at Jack’s mum’s church. Granny Wyles gave Sammi a little crucifix necklace and wanted her to wear it. Sammi is at the stage where anything within reaching distance is grabbed and sucked on. Needless to say, I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of a tiny little perfect choking sized necklace around her neck. (I just don’t understand baby jewellery.)

Anyway, I put it on, but had it tucked under her dress. When we sat down Mum asked, “Where’s the necklace?” I told her it was under the dress, to which Mum replied, “Oh, but it’s blessed. She’ll be all right.” I said (loud enough that the lady behind us heard), “God smites people all the time for no reason. It doesn’t matter that it is blessed.” Then Jack said, “Yeah, she’ll just be choked on a blessed item.” Mum didn’t think that was very funny.

Now I could drift off into my crazy babble about religion and our confliction on how to introduce it to Sammi – but I will spare you all at this time. Someday, though, the religion rant is coming – just you wait…..

Happy Birthday Jack!

Well, we are settled into our hotel room for the next few days. It is a suite and has a washer and dryer. That is great because now I can keep using the cloth diapers! When we went to Kansas we used disposables (except at night) and I couldn’t wait to get back home to the cloth diapers. Disposables suuuuuuccccckkkk!!!! I don’t even know how people can use them, they are so annoying. The cloth ones work way better – and I’m doing laundry anyway. I only have to do a load about every three days, so that’s not too bad. I am also counting on the studies that say cloth-diapered babies potty train earlier. Anyhoo – out of all the brands of diapers and covers we have tried we like the mother ease and kissaluvs the best. (Christmas is coming….. www.mother-ease.com and www.kissaluvs.com/fittedclothdiapers.htm) We are already in the medium sizes and I gotta start searching for good deals on the larges.

The other thing I miss is my pots and pans. I have an awesome set of the Calphlon infused anodized cookware and I hope it doesn’t get lost in the move over!

Today is Jack’s birthday – so as soon as Sammi wakes up from her nap we are going to go buy a new pair of sandals with the anti-microbial insoles to prevent another smelly feet incident on the flight over!

So Much To Write….So Little Time

I haven’t abandoned the blog – we are just running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get our inventory/packing done, visas, etc. The movers come on Monday.

I have a lot of funny stuff to write about. Maybe when we are in the hotel I’ll have time. At that point there won’t be anything for me to do, really, except wait. So, hopefully it has access (and by access I don’t mean dial-up!)

The trip to Kansas was really fun, except of course, harvest started so Dad had to work a lot instead of hang out with his new little granddaughter.

I really have to get busy now, but I will tell you the smelly feet story. On the flight out I kept smelling this bad odor. I checked Sammi out to see if it was her, but it wasn’t. I didn’t think it was because since she only eats at Mama’s Breastaraunt it isn’t too bad anyway.

Then I saw this lady sitting on the other side and one up look down at Jack’s feet. Ah-ha! The source of the odor: Jack’s feet in his sandals. I told him his feet stank and he said he knew. Then, brilliantly, I said, “Hey, I know. Use a diaper wipe on them!” Well, folks, this is NOT something you ever want to do. It activated the scent instead. I almost threw up, but then decided to laugh instead. So, there was this horrible smell wafting up from our seats and me laughing like a wild hyena for 10 minutes. (It still makes me laugh –hahaaaa, “scent activation.”) The funniest part was that lady got up and left her seat. She walked to the back of the plane. That cracked me up the most!! Jack said it was like a dirty, old, mangy dog. You can get him wet and in the end he isn't any cleaner - just a wet, dirty, old, mangy dog that smells even worse.

I ROCK!!

Today Sammi and I ran in the Ottawa Race Weekend 5k. We were supposed to run in the 10k, but since we were alone I changed to the 5 k – a good thing it turns out since strollers weren’t allowed in the 10k.

I was a little worried since I haven’t been running – due to the lack of a nursing jog bra (or any jog bra that fit.) Thank goodness the one I ordered finally came in the mail. Good thing I ordered it on April 25! We have been walking, though, and as lame as it seems at the time it must be doing some good. The run was no problem at all. Granted it was only 5k, but I could have done the 10k. Woo-hoo! (Yea, yea. I still weigh 25 lbs more than I want – but oh, well.)

With a stroller I was in the back with all the other stroller people. People who wanted to run, just happened to have a stroller. Well, it turns out we were BEHIND all the slow walkers. Hello Race People – let the stroller people who want to run start ahead of the slow walker people. I mean, we all forked out the bucks for a jogger stroller so you know we are at least semi-serious about it! The slow walker people will NOT let you around them, and they don’t know what “on your left” means, or if they do they choose to ignore it. It was frustrating to say the least. I know that someday, perhaps someday soon, I will be a slow walker person (unless I can get signed up for some new bionic knees) but when I am I will let the stroller people go ahead so they can run!

It was hot and sunny today, too. I put on sunscreen and then figured I better put some on the baby, too. I don’t have any kid’s sunscreen so I just used my Coppertone Sport. I put a little on, and when she didn’t cry I used some more. It did the trick for both of us. When I do buy some kid’s sunscreen I can tell you it won’t be that Coppertone kind in a pink bottle! A few years ago some friends of mine had that kind – and we kept slathering it on their daughter all summer long. And all summer long she would cry and carry on like we were torturing her. (Hi Colleen!!) So, finally, when we took a trip down to the beach one weekend I decided I would put some on my face and see what the big deal was about. Oh, yea. It felt like my face had been dipped in acid. It BURNED! And you know what putting water on it did? Made it burn more. It seriously felt like I had just slathered battery acid all over my face. Being an adult I just remarked that she was right, it did burn and feel like acid. But inside I was screaming, “Get it off, get it off – help!! Feels like burning!!” OMG – it was awful. The worst part was it was practically the end of summer by that time. I still feel bad that we made her wear that crap all summer long!

Anyway, the race was fun but it would have been more fun with Jack. It is hard work to get all the stuff loaded and unloaded with and for a kid. When there are two of us, one of us (me) can hold her while one of us (he) can get the jogger out and assembled. It is a LOT faster with two people, that is for sure!

Now, the baby is asleep so I am having a beer and some Tylenol. (I wasn’t joking about needing bionic knees. I think maybe I will stick with the walking and only do the running for races and PT tests.)

Inherently Evil

OK, I thought for about a week before I posted this. But, it turns out I am so inherently evil that I can’t help it.

When I was growing up there was always a “magic age” at which I was allowed to do anything. Like, I had to be 13 to get my ears pierced, 14 to get contacts, and 16 to date (and married to have sex – ha ha – obviously, some of these age limits were not met.)
Anyway, it turns out that I wanted to date BEFORE I turned 16. So, one day my Dad took me out on a drive and we had “a serious conversation” about responsibility and that sort of thing. At the end of it, it was determined that I could go out on a date 4 WHOLE MONTHS before my 16th birthday. (I tried to take the talk seriously, but inside I was like, dude – it’s 4 months. What is the big deal?)

So, we went on the date and on the way home we stopped at the intersection by the old Kessen place and made out, in the back of his big ol’ pickup truck. It was a good date, as far as I can remember. Even though soon after he broke up with me because I wouldn’t put out, and started dating an OLDER WOMAN (a Senior!)

Anyway, he had this friend named Paddy who liked Rush. We all used to cruise up and down Wyatt Earp listening to Ratt (Round and Round….) At one point they had this vendetta against one of their teachers, who apparently wore yellow pants to church or class or something. Heaven forbid! Yellow pants! We obviously had to attack him for this. So, they rounded up their old jeans, and I rounded up my old jeans and my brothers old jeans –then I snuck them all into our tree house, bought yellow paint, and painted about 20 pairs of old jeans bright yellow. Then, we made these crazy signs on poster board, warning against yellow pants, and we were set. Early that evening this guy and his friend came to pick me up and we loaded all the gear. But, since my curfew was 11 – (ridiculously), we had made plans to circumvent that. They brought me home at 11 and I woke up the parents to say, “I’m home.” Then, I went into my room, locked the door, opened my window and snuck out – with the help of a previously placed 2x4 on the side of the house. I then had to run ½ mile down to the silage – because if any cars slowed down and then sped up outside the house it would wake my Dad up. They were waiting and off we went back to Dodge to place the signs and throw the yellow jeans out on this guy’s yard. Oh, it was funny!! Ha ha. Later that night they dropped me off at the silage and I ran home – with dog treats to keep the dog from barking while I climbed back in my window. That 2x4 stayed outside my window for a long time. Once Dad asked me why it was there in the grass and I was like, “What board?”

What is the point of this blog? THIS – this picture.

This is the boy who I had to have a “serious conversation” with my Dad about. This is his engagement picture that was recently in the ol’ hometown newspaper that my Mom sent to me. (I would subscribe, but it costs too much to send out of the country.)

See the little picture? Well, I just found out this is the picture he sent in to the 20th class reunion website as his NOW picture. Like no one is going to notice a slight difference when he shows up looking like the other picture?

Poetry Sucks

I have to admit it – not only do I not particularly like dogs (I know, no one is supposed to say that out loud) I don’t like poetry, either. If I was going to get a dog, it would be a wiener dog. Wiener dogs are funny.

Anyway, since I am avoiding posting anything relevant for the next little while I thought I would entertain you with a poem I wrote as a child to annoy my Mom.

FISH HOOK

Fish hook, fish hook
Shining in the sky,
Fish hook, fish hook
Through the fishes eye.
Fish blood – drying on my hand
Fishes – dying in the sand.

Pretty deep, isn’t it?

Another poem that I am co-author of is an ode to Haines Lake, also affectionately known as Haines Dirt. There is only a line or two, because the only reason anyone went to Haines Dirt was to drink – so beer was involved. This is the creation Amy and I came up with:

Hark! On yonder lake bestow,
I’m up upon my tippy-toe,
Henceforth from this moment on,
I shall always love this golden pond.

When It Rains, It Pours!

Let me tell you about my last day and a half. It has been quite exciting. Yesterday we had to get up early and go into the US Embassy to get Sammi’s paperwork squared away. We tried to do it the day before, but I didn’t bring in any paperwork showing physical evidence that I had ever lived in the States between the ages of 14 and before she was born. Great. So yesterday we were prepared with Army records, university transcripts – even vet records.

The guy at the window was in training so it took us 2 hours to get her CRBA (consulate record of birth abroad), passport application, and SSN application turned in. All the guy had to do was look at our paperwork, make copies of our supporting documents, staple them together, then stamp each page with 2 stamps. It took him that long to do that. Then, his boss came over to check out his handiwork. She is going over everything saying, “OMG, this is great. Ohhhh, this is so good. You have outdone yourself. This is wonderful. OMG! My heart has stopped beating it is so wonderful.” (I’m not making that up. She really said that.) And on and on. I’m thinking, “Does this guy ride the short bus to work or what?” He made copies, stapled some papers together, and then stamped each page with 2 stamps. Did it rate such extravagant praise from his boss? Perhaps. Perhaps getting everything in the right pile, the staple aligned just right, and the stamp strategically and carefully stamped each time did merit such a reaction. Me – I’d be just making copies, stapling willy-nilly, and stamping haphazardly. Of course, then it would only take 15 minutes and then what would the people waiting in line behind the ONE window do without all that wait time on their hands?

I went ahead and put in my passport renewal, too. My name change is just stamped in the back. After 9/11 they decided that wasn’t good enough and now issue a new passport for name changes. I decided it is just too annoying to travel with it stamped in the back. The boss lady was all like, “This passport is still good for 2 years.” I explained how it was annoying and had she tried travelling with a passport like that in the post-9/11 world? Since I was handing in so much other paperwork they decided to make an exception and let me do it. Yay!

Then, I dropped Jack off at work and went back out to get my hair cut. There wasn’t enough time to go all the way home then to the hair place so I just went there early to wait. I changed and fed Sammi while I was waiting. Luckily, she was good the whole time because I know all those ladies were thinking “what kind of insane person brings a baby to a spa?” Yea, the last thing you want to hear when getting a massage is someone’s kid screaming its head off. Luckily, we made it out of there with her being all smiley and cooey the whole time.

After that it was to the bank to pick up the new credit cards before Jack left today and for me to reset my PIN on my bankcard. At this point it was about 3, which is when I was supposed to meet Jack at the bar. I know he is always late so it would have been perfect timing once I got back into town. Sammi was crying so I stopped at the Tim Horton’s to change her real quick like before we left. She was changed and still happy and I was ready for a beer so we hop back in the car and NOTHING.

That’s right. The car was completely dead. I figured it was one of those electrical cylinoid things or something. So, I go back into the Tim’s and call the pub. Jack wasn’t there yet, but our friend Dan was. He said he would finish his beer and go back to the office to find Jack. They finally linked up and Jack borrowed his car to come out to pick me up. He showed up a little after 4. We transferred everything into the other car (fun with a baby seat) and went to rent a car and call a tow truck. It is the beginning of the long weekend here so our usual garage was already closed. We had to take it to the thieves at Canadian Tire instead.

To make a long story short, the tow truck guy shows up and gives Jack some fuses. It seems to work so he tries to come home. The car died halfway here again. Jack walks home; we call the tow truck place and have to wait another hour. We got the car to Canadian Tire just before 9 and that is when they close. Then, we had to go back into town to give Dan his car back before 10. Finally, at 1030 pm we make it to a restaurant here for the much needed and long awaited beer. Keep in mind; it was raining this whole time.

That also ruined our last night before Jack left for a week this morning. I dropped him off at the airport then came home and called a friend to go with me to pick up the other car and drop off the rental car. Once again all kinds of fun in the continuing rain and with the car seat switching. Now we are home and I am taking a break before I start tidying up for the property management guy. He is coming over tomorrow morning to take pictures for when he puts the house on the market for rental on Monday.

This Is Going To Take FOREVER!!!!

Well, in my quest to get started on this packing and inventory thing I decided to do my clothes today. I have the two tubs of maternity clothes already packed up and I thought I might as well pack everything else up, too, since I can’t wear it. I will keep out the handful of outfits I wear now to last me the next couple of months.

I was going through my stuff and I saw all my cute, little Victoria’s Secret bras. Oh, how I miss them. They seem so tiny now. Will my porn boobies ever fit in them again? I quickly packed them into the plastic tub lest I be overcome by longing. I saw all my tiny little jog-bras and packed them away, too. *Sigh*

That still took forever to do because Sammi is still being pouty. Maybe I can get more done this weekend. Especially since it is supposed to be rainy and that means Jack probably won’t go play golf – but we have played in the rain before so it may not be that big of a deterrent. I am hoping that the time crunch on moving IS a deterrent.

Italy or Bust!

Ok, I know you are all waiting to see where we are going. Well, Jack is being posted to Naples, Italy! We are going to be there for 3 years starting this July. We are looking forward to it – and you will have to come visit. I am trying to ignore the nightmare of getting there and focusing on the positive parts. Like all the history that is there and the awesome travel opportunities. Great for an unrepentant gallivanter! And good for more interesting blog entries.

I thought that a report date of 10 July was cutting it close, but that is when we have to be there. Then, last week we found out that they come and pack up our stuff 5 weeks before our report date! OMG! So that means, what with travel and everything, we only have about 2 ½ weeks to sort everything out, decide what to take, what is staying, and do a COMPLETE INVENTORY of everything we own. I don’t even see how this is possible, but it will get done. It will just be harder since I have to do everything in little 20-minute periods when the baby isn’t demanding attention or food. Another good part? The five weeks between when they take our stuff and we go to Italy we will be living in a hotel. At least it is a hotel that is right downtown here, with a kitchenette and a washer and dryer in the room. With a baby you need a washer and dryer!

There is so much to do. This is why we have been forking out the big bucks to expedite all of Sammi’s paperwork. We had to get her birth certificate fast so we can get her passport. Plus, we need it so I can go to the embassy and register her there as an American and get her American passport and SSN. I am sure another little fun thing will be getting me a visa for Italy. The Canadian passport office is taking care of Jack’s and Sammi’s – but what about mine? They want them to travel on the green official passports, but since I am not Canadian I am sure it will be a goat rope.

I hope Sammi squares herself away soon, too. She just had a whole week of Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Dan. That means that yesterday and today she is being a little pouty girl who won’t let me put her down for a second. The attention of one person is completely inadequate now! So, this means she pretends she wants to eat all the time. Really, she just wants to suck and the only thing she will suck on is her hand or me. So she eats and eats then spits up because she is full as a tick. (Against my better judgement I even tried to get her to take a pacifier, but noooo. She won’t take a bottle, either, so my little plan to have Jack feed her once a day has been foiled. It was very sad to throw that expressed milk down the drain. : (

Anyway, if the blogs are a little sketchy between now and when we get settled you will know why. We basically have next week to get stuff done, then Jack is on a house-hunting trip from 20-28 June. I could go with him, but the idea of 2 trans-atlantic flights with a baby within a month is too much to handle. I need to find some kids to come play with Sammi that week while I do stuff. Then we go to Kansas from 31 May to June 11 to see the family. And right after that the movers will be coming to pack up our things. Yayyyyy!!! Wish us luck, and I’ll keep you posted.

The Visit

Well, we took Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Dan back to the airport today. It was a good visit. We got to do lots of things and see some museums. And Dan took about 200 pictures of Samantha. That’s a lot of pics in one week!

We went to the War Museum and it was awesome. It will go on my list of museums that I would go to more than once on purpose. Other museums that I have gone to more than once on purpose include: The Airborne and Special Warfare Museum, Fayetteville, NC; Huntington Gardens, Pasadena, CA; The Phillips Collection, Washington, DC; and the National Postal Museum, Washington, DC. Those are my favorites. Now, the one up here gets added to my list. We also went to the Civilization Museum, but it was pretty lame-o, and the National Gallery of Canada. There is a big, giant sculpture of a pregnant spider outside the museum now, named Maman. It is weird. The gallery is really good, though.

We also went to the Tulip Festival one day, and the Byward Market one day. So, each day we did one thing and it worked out pretty well with the baby. In the morning she had her routine, and she always gets bored at home in the afternoons anyway, so that is when we would head out. It was really fun and a good chance for us to see the museums, too. It is amazing how exhausting it is to do stuff with a baby, though. It just seems to take a lot of extra energy to haul a baby and baby stuff around all afternoon.

Now we just have to recover, because in 3 weeks we go to Kansas to see the other Grandma and Grandpa, and Great-Grandma. It is going to be her 90th birthday! Hopefully, her passport shows up in time. “They” said 10 working days, so it should get here in time. We will see.

Thanks Cindy and Dan – it was a fun visit!!